All At Once
by albeckett
Summary: Ianto has to make a difficult choice. First Fan-fic hope it's ok
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood (owned by RTD) Song All at Once (owned by Whitney Houston)  
**

_**All at once I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that you're not coming back. And it's finally hit me all at once. All at once I've started counting teardrops and at least a million fell. My eyes began to swell and all my dreams were shattered all at once.**_

Ianto was down in the archives hiding out once again. It was the one place he could go and be left alone. His shoulders began to shake and a choked sound escaped from him as he slowly slipped down to the floor wrapping his arms around his

knees hugging them to his chest. "Oh God I can't live like this." He began sobbing which lately was a permanent state when he was alone. How was he supposed to keep going when his world was shattered?

_**Ever since I met you, you're the only love I've known and I can't forget you, though I must face it all alone.**_

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Recon holding in his hand as the memories began to play through is mind.

_**All at once I'm drifting on a lonely sea wishing you'd come back to me and that's all that matters now. All at once I'm drifting on a lonely sea holding on to memories and its hurt me more than you know so much more than it shows all at once.**_

He'd been holding onto the pill for a month now unsure if he could actually go through with losing all those memories no matter how much it hurt to remember. It wasn't just those special memories of their time together, it would be everything, is

whole time at Torchwood. Ianto again wishing that Jack would come back. He shook his head to clear it, wiped his face, and proceeded to pull himself together. He stood straightened his waistcoat and tie smoothed his hair and began putting the

mask he had perfected while hiding Lisa on so no one would know the pain he was in. When he was sure that he wouldn't break down again he made is way back upstairs to prepare everyone's afternoon coffee.

_**I looked around and found that you were with another love. In someone else's arms and all my dreams were shattered all at once. All at once the smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day, she took your smile away and left me with just memories all at once.**_

Ianto was in the kitchen when he heard it, the voice that still made him shiver. He looked around and found them. Down by the computers was Jack with his arms around Gwen giving her that special smile just before leaning in and kissing her and

another piece of Ianto died.

_**Ever since I met you, you're the only love I've known and I can't forget you, though I must face it all alone.**_

Ianto had always known that given half a chance that Jack would leave him for Gwen. His nightmare came true a month ago when Jack had come back from being gone those 3 months to find Gwen engaged. She had told him she had accepted Rhys

because no one else would have her. He told her, he had come back for her and pulled her to him kissing her. Ianto knew all this not because they had told him but because had watched the CCTV video from the holding cells. They had both come

back upstairs acting strange so after everything with John had settled down Ianto took a look at the tapes and discovered the awful truth.

_**All at once I'm drifting on a lonely sea wishing you'd come back to me and that's all that matters now. All at once I'm drifting on a lonely sea holding on to memories and its hurt me more than you know so much more than it shows all at once.**_

Jack was back in his office when Ianto gave him his coffee, he turned to leave but Jack grabbed him by his wrist. "Ianto is there something wrong you haven't been yourself lately." The one thing Ianto knew inside and out was Jack he knew this was

coming. "Actually Jack there's something I want to tell you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Recon showing it to Jack. "Wh- What are you doing with that." Ianto put the pill in his mouth and swallowed. Jack jumped up with a shout

"What the hell did you do that for?" Ianto did say anything he just stood looking at Jack making one last descion, he leaned over kissing Jack with all the love he had for him startled Jack froze for a moment and then started kissing him back. Ianto

pulled away "Jack I love you and I will love you for the rest of my life but I can't stay here and watch you with her." Jack started to interrupt, Ianto put his hand to his lips. "No Jack it doesn't matter I've taken the Recon and in a little while I won't

remember anything I will go back to a normal life and in a few years you will forget about me." Jack stumbled and slumped into his chair. "I put a sleeping pill in your coffee cause I knew you try to stop me." Jack just looked up at him "Don't go" Ianto

leaned down and kissed him one last time Jack put his head down on the desk and fell asleep. Ianto stood stroking Jack's hair "Goodbye Jack" Ianto turned to leave as he was walking away he reached into his mouth and pulled out the pill putting it

back into his pocket. He may not have him anymore but he'd be damned if he gave up those memories he just need Jack to believe he had taken it. Ianto left out of the tourist never looking back, if there was one thing he learned from Torchwood it

was how to disappear.

The next day Jack jolted awake screaming "IANTO!" Oh God what did I do.

_A/N: This is my first FanFic and I never intend to write a story like this but this song came on my iPod and this story just popped in. Must go and read some Janto fluff to clear my brain of the image of Jack and Gwen _


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Torchwood (RTD) Against All Odds (Phil Collins)**

**_How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh You're the only one who really knew me at all_**

I put a sleeping pill in your coffee cause I knew you try to stop me." Jack just looked up at him "Don't go" Ianto leaned down and kissed him one last time Jack put his head down on the desk and fell asleep. Ianto stood stroking Jack's hair "Goodbye

Jack" Ianto turned to leave as he was walking away he reached into his mouth and pulled out the pill putting it back into his pocket. He may not have him anymore but he'd be damned if he gave up those memories he just need Jack to believe he had

taken it. Ianto left out of the tourist never looking back; if there was one thing he learned from Torchwood it was how to disappear.

_**How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears You're the only one who really knew me at all.**_

The next day Jack jolted awake screaming "IANTO!" Oh God what did I do. Jack dropped his head to hands and began to cry. I can't believe I let some twisted fascination with Gwen ruin this. The memories began to crash around him. The first time

they met did he really attack the Weevil with a tree branch? The orgasmic coffee outside the office the next day, and who can forget catching Myfanwy he offered her chocolate what woman can resist chocolate Jack snorted to his self as this thought

came. Oh god when he caught me after I fell and then rolling around on that floor. The way he ate with a napkin tucked under his chin so nothing would spill on his suits. Not that Ianto Jones would do something as mundane as spilling on oneself.

The fight he put up for Lisa no matter how I threatened him, he stood his ground and his courage to remain at Torchwood after. Our time with the cannibals how he save Tosh and the nightmares after, him in my arms as he cried and told me about

them. By this time Jack was sobbing but the memories wouldn't stop. When he held me as I cried over losing Estelle and for having to give Jasmine to the Fairies. Everyone else hated me and he just held me and told me how I had no other choice

one for millions it was the only thing I could have done. The first time they had made love because for all of Jack's selfish behavior he realizes now that's what it had been along. How Ianto gave himself fully and completely each time they were

together.

_**So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face.**_

Jack stood up, wiped his face, and walked out of his office heading downstairs. There was something different around the computers, walking between everyone's stations trying to determine what was. Jack got to Ianto's and noticed everything was

gone, well of course it would be he was leaving but there was something else bugging Jack he walked back over to Tosh's station and that's when he realized the picture Tosh had next to her computer of her and Ianto from New Years was gone. "Oh

god he wouldn't."

_**I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why You're the only one who really knew me at all.**_

Jack clicked through the CCTV feed on Tosh's computer looking for when Ianto left the hub. Finally finding what he was looking for he hit play. Ianto walked out the tourist office door when he stopped looked directly at the camera, Jacked zoomed in

on Ianto's face he was saying something "I Love You Jack, Always Will." Then the feed began to get all snowy "NO, NO, NO" Jack screamed punching buttons on the keyboard trying to bring the video back up. "No please don't do this" Jack sobbed.

_**So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space.**_

Jack searched through all the videos but anything that could've had Ianto on it had been deleted. "Damn you Ianto you can't do this, you can't take the only thing I have of you away from me!" But it was too late it was all gone he would only have his

memories for the centuries to come. Jack cried harder.

_**But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here And you coming back to me is against all odds It's the chance I've gotta take Take a look at me now**_

Exhausted Jack went back up to his office, sat down in his chair, and opened his drawer looking for the bourbon. Where the bottle should have been he found a disc. His hands started to shake as he reached in and took out; carefully he loaded into

his computer. Ianto's beautiful face filled his screen." Drowning your pain won't help Jack." God it was scary how well he knows me." Jack as I'm sure you discovered I have deleted all video of me but after doing this I decided to be selfish so this disc

contains memories of us. Pictures and videos because I want you to remember me Jack Harkness. I want you to see what you threw away and how much I love you." Jack was crying but he had a smile on his face as he watched the videos. Ianto had

put everything on their including the times they were alone down in his bunker. After it was over he played it again just sitting there studying Ianto's face. "How could I have been so blind not to see how he felt it was so clearly written all over his

face but being the self absorbed twat I missed it." After it had finished playing for a third time Jack sat back in his chair, he could remember it was possible to break Recon Gwen had done it and Ianto's mind was a hell of lot stronger than hers.

Thinking of Gwen, Jack groaned what am I going to about her. "Well I'm just going to have to Recon the last month from her and Rhys and put those to back together as it should have been. Thank god he had never done more than kiss her. That

decided Jack watched his video again feeling more and more optimistic about the future. He would give Ianto time to remember him and Torchwood and then he was going out into the world and finding him for himself because no matter what

happened he would **never** give up on Ianto again!

**A/N: This is the end for now, I might add to it later after I get the other stories out of my head but I'm really happy with this conclusion.**

**Thanks to everybody who reviewed, put me on story alert, and add me to their favorites it made my day.**

**P.S. Of course Ianto made a copy for himself :)**


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